The attachment cycle begins at one of the most vulnerable times of our lives, our birth. When we were born, most of us were fortunate enough to be placed in loving arms while adoring eyes gazed down at us. Our mother’s cradled us after the stressful time of the birthing process and calm our anxiety and fear. As our mother’s find effective methods of meeting our needs she becomes confident in her abilities and we began to feel safe in our new environment. We began to trust in this individual caring for us. As our cries are heard we began to realize that our voice has an effect, that our needs mean something to this caretaker we learn that we are important and that we have value.

We start to depend and rely on this care-taking mother and a wonderful bond between the mother and baby deepens day by day. The cycle of an infants needs being met happens hundreds of times during their first year of life and in different forms, the cycle repeats thousands of times as we grow. Children that have learned to form healthy loving attachments with their parents have the best foundation for becoming healthy adults.

But what happens to infants that are not so fortunate? 

 

What message is sent to an infant who wasn’t wanted or who were abused
or neglected by the very person who was supposed to keep them safe? 

 

How do children placed in orphanages or multiple foster homes view their world? 

 

What happens to an infant during the bonding cycle when their
mother is emotionally unavailable due to depression, divorce, mental illness or substance abuse? 

These children’s basic emotional needs-for affection, comfort, and nurturing–were not met. In some cases, neither were basic physiological needs-for enough food or proper hygiene. These children can view themselves and the world very differently. For them, the world is not a safe place where they can rely or depend on a mother or primary caregiver. It’s a world where adults are not trusted; where infants quickly learn to depend upon themselves. Survival mode kicks in; reaching out and expecting help is not an option thought about anymore. The child can begin to manipulate and control others to get their needs met. An enter-rage and controlling behavior can develop within the child, which in many cases give the child/infant the strength needed to survive their neglectful situation. Unhealthy bonding with other children in orphanages or with other siblings can also manifest due to lack of emotional and physical contact.

When the infant’s needs are not meet these symptomatic behaviors that develop with young children and infants are normal behaviors for child’s current living situations. These behaviors were needed for the child’s to survive. However, these behaviors have no place in a healthy family setting. This is why many adoptive parents experience huge difficulties as they try to parent their adoptive child. This child has not learned to bond or trust but has learned to do the opposite; typically these children fend for themselves. These children are not ready for traditional parenting. Parents need to learn therapeutic methods when parenting a child with attachment issues so they can become successful.

There is hope and the earlier you seek the right help the better. Hundreds of children have healed when parents have located the right resources. Finding expert professionals that work with attachment disorder is vital. Find a therapist that specializes in RAD, get intensive training, find an excellent therapeutic parent-coaching service, and get professional respite services are where you need to start.

This site was developed to give parents resources, fellowship and a place to feel understood. You will be surprised to find that there are many families that share your experiences. Find support, share ideas while making some friends along the way can be priceless.

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