Dear Ms. Debbie,

Thank you Ms. Debbie for forgiving me for the bad things that I did to you in the passed. I used to be so mad and scared. I remember aways pushing you and my mom away. I was so scared to let you love me. All the times I stole your jewelry and took food behind your back and all the hateful things I used to say to you. I did so many things to make you mad. I had so many secrets back then that kept me feeling like a bad person. I was so afraid to tell anyone cause I thought people would think I was strange or weird. But I am glad I did all you. I did so many things to get your attention. I didn’t care if it was even bad attention as long as you were watching me. I use to like to try to get you mad cause it made me feel powerful. I know you remember though times. Sometimes I wanted to get you mad just because I was mad. Sometimes I did it because I was mad at you. I remember always being controlling and feeling mad.

When I first started working with you, I didn’t like anybody hugging or holding me. I hated to get close to you and my mom. I was angry when she wanted to hug me. I hated it, and got mad about it. But, I was also jealous of seeing other kids having loving relationships with their parents, I really used to hated them too. I lived my life mad most the time, it was all I knew, and I wanted to make everyone mad around me as well. I wanted them to feel what I felt. When anything made me feel the slightest bit sad or scared it would make me even madder so I never let myself ever feel sad or scared, in fact now that I think of it, I was probably not even aware that I was sad or scared. But you seem to know what I was feeling underneath the mad. You seemed to understand that I was turning all my scared and sad into mad. When I became aware of the other feelings, with your help, I really didn’t want you to know that I had these feelings at first. I was afraid to get vulnerable with you and let you see me in a scared painful place. The truth is, I really didn’t want to need anyone. I was use to taking care of myself. I had big fears with needing someone. I also didn’t want you to use my fears against me because you might end up having too much power over me, and I felt like I needed my power.

Back then my life seemed unfair and I thought I was a bad person. I thought things like, I must have been a bad baby for my own birth mother to give me up. I must have done something really bad, or I wasn’t what she wanted. Their must be something different about me. I felt ashamed, and thought that no one would ever really love me. Watching other families laughing and loving each other was something that I didn’t like to be around. I didn’t believe I was a child that anyone would really wanted if they really knew me. I was not going to take a chance on anybody anymore. Besides what if I did, I might found out that my biggest fears about myself were true, that I truly was unlovable and different then other kids.

It’s been 10 years now, and I am so thankful that I know how to be happy now. I thank you and my family for never giving up on me. My life has changed in so many ways and I am no where near the person I was 10 years ago. It’s been a hard journey and a lot of hard work for all of us. Its funny when I think about how much I love my mom hugging me now. My mom and I are so close and I am so thankful for my family. Don’t get me wrong I have some problems still, but we always find a way of working them out. Thank you Ms. Debbie for helping me learn to bond and showing me that I am not that much different from others. I am so glad you are in my life.