New Puppet Master
Children with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) typically needed to fend for themselves early on. Along the way, they developed coping skills to get their needs met or to simply stay alive. Out of necessity, they learned to control the world around them in order to feel safe. Children with RAD view parents as people not to be trusted. They learn to manipulate other’s to get their needs met, because of this they see parents or adult as not being as smart as they are. Without learning what love really is, they see the new parent’s as resources to get their needs or wants.
Needs like food, toys, shelter, and material things. This kind of thinking and behaving can leave a child feeling very powerful. When young infant/children don’t receive the nurturing needed to form healthy attachments with their primary caregiver on consistent bases they learn other ways of getting their needs met to survive. They learn to manipulate, to be fake and phony and to charm their way into your heart. They can be aggressive to get what they want or play the victim role.
The truth is, they are the victims, however, they don’t use their heartfelt vulnerability, they use a false victim mentality to get what they want. It is not necessarily anything they are doing on purpose, it is just how they have had to live to survive. They know nothing else and for the most part, they are unaware of their truest feelings. Children need someone to share that type of hurt and pain with, and someone they can build a trusting relationship with.
Sadly, they never learned their value, or how special they are. Truth be told, these children have worked extremely hard to make things happen for themselves. They learned the world wasn’t safe unless they were controlling it. Unfortunately, although this type of thinking helped to keep them alive at some point, this thinking and behaving doesn’t work in a loving family setting.
If a child thinks they are smarter then you,
They will never feel safe.
If they continue to believe the only way they can get things is by manipulating you,
They will never feel worth anything.
If they continue to believe, that by being aggressive they can scare others into doing what they want,
They will never learn to respect.
If they continue to control you,
They will never know what it feels like to be loved and cared for.
Learn how to overcome the behaviors and mindset your child learned to survive. Get the training that will help your child trust in your parenting. Help your child feel safe, loved and attached